An eye 4 an eye
by Degenerate X
Summary: All Ryan wanted was a happy birthday, all they wanted was his eyes...The it's always sunny in New Mexico halloween fic. Very funny. More comedy than horror, I promise you'll laugh. Give it a chance.
1. Official Trailer

Ok here is the official trailer for the It's always sunny in New Mexico special Halloween fic.

_Shows that creepy camera flash from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre._

_**Some people...**_

_"So, when is your birthday?" Chad asks Ryan._

_"October 31." Ryan smiles._

_**...have bad days...**_

_"So since last year I got to celebrate our birthday, this year, we can do whatever you want." Sharpay says to Ryan._

_"Really? Well I really want to go visit grandpa's old farm in Texas." He smiles._

_**...some people have bad accidents...**_

_"Well then it's settled, we're all going to Texas for the weekend with Ryan and Sharpay for their birthday." Troy says._

_"Sounds fun." Taylor says._

_**...but others...**_

_Shows a bus pass an old cornfield with a scarecrow in the middle of it._

_"Did that scarecrow...just flick us off?" Chad asks._

_**...have...**_

_Shows the bus pull over on the side of the road._

_"Well there goes my down payment on this thing." Troy says, standing in front of the smoking hood._

_**...just plain bad luck.**_

_Shows Chad and Taylor walk up to an old giant house._

_Shows an giant sliding door open._

_**GLH $tudios presents...**_

_**In 1974, horror took shape**_

_Shows Leatherface dragging a girl inside of a house._

_Shows a chainsaw begin to run._

_**In 2003, evil took a new form**_

_Shows the new Leatherface slam a giant metal door._

_Shows Leatherface saw through the back window of a van._

_**In 2001, evil took flight**_

_Shows a young boy pass in front of a scarecrow, when he looked away, the scarecrow looked at him._

_Shows The Creeper flying away._

_**But in 2006...**_

_Shows Chad walking through and old house._

_**Two legends will collide...**_

_Shows Leatherface look up._

_Shows The Creeper look up._

**_Psh...Jackasses _**

_The opening theme to Jackass begins to play_

_Shows Chad and Taylor standing in front of a giant sliding door._

_Leatherface tries to run after them, but trips and flips over a table._

_Jackass theme continues to play._

_Shows Chad running from Leatherface._

_He jumps over a fence, but Leatherface trips and does a front flip._

_Shows The Creeper tackle Latherface off the top of a bus._

_Shows Leatherface throw his chainsaw at The Creeper and take off running._

_**On Friday the 13th...**_

_Shows Leatherface try to hit Chad with a hammer, but misses and hits himself._

_Shows Ryan shove a container of Tic-Tacs down The Creepers throat._

_**Evil...**_

_Shows Leatheface hit Chad with a hammer._

_"Owww, mother..." Chad begins as he punches Leatherface in the nose._

_**gets...**_

_Shows Leatherface try to throw Taylor down a flight of stairs, but trips and falls and trips down them himself._

_Shows The Creeper slap Ryan, Ryan rubs his cheek and slaps him back._

_**...pretty damn stupid.**_

_Shows Leatherface fall through the roof of a truck._

_Shows Sharpay kick The Creeper in the face, spin around and kick Leatherface._

_Jackass theme fades out as a house explodes._

_**An eye 4 an eye**_

Well there ya go people. Check my profile for the poster, and please go look at that and tell me what you think of it in your review.


	2. Sneak Peek

Well today The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning opens up nation wide! And I'm sick! So I probably can't go see it! Damn it! But what I can do is post an exclusive clip from **An eye 4 an eye**, which opens nation wide **October the 13th**! And you can read this! Enjoy!

"Well I don't know, but I do got a phone, so you can use that." And old man in a wheelchair said to Taylor.

"I don't know if his phone is cut on though." She said.

"Can't hurt to try." He said.

"I guess so." She said, walking in the room.

"Yup, and when Tommy gets here...dinner time, and I'm having dark meat tonight." He said to himself.

**Meanwhile**

Shows Chad walk up to an old metal sliding door.

"Hmmm."

He checked behind him, nothing.

He slowly opened the door, reavealing a dark flight of stairs.

He shrugged and began to walk down them.

"Oh my God." He said, placing his hand over his mouth.

The basement smelled horrible, their were dead bodies, severed arms, legs, heads, fingers, and all sorts of gruesome things everywhere.

Chad began to back up when he bumped into a body hanging from a hook.

"This...this..." He began, but suddenly he reached in the hanging bodies back pocket, pulled out it's wallet, took the cash, stuffed it in his pocket and put the wallet back,"Is horrible"

He turned to leave, but noticed a door open a crack.

"Do I dare?" He asked himself.

He slowly approached it.

He reached out and began to slowly turn the door knob.

"Ok...one...two...three!" He exclaimed, throwing the door open.

He jumped back.

"Oh...my...god." He mumbled.

Inside of the closet were bags full of weed, crack, cocaine, countsless cases of beer, at least twenty kegs, boxes and boxes of cigarettes, boxes full of Playboy magazines, sacks full of money, and hundreds of guns mounted on the wall.

Chad's eyes filled with tears,"You are up there." He said, looking up.

He began to chew his nails,"I can't leave without this stuff."

"I...I gotta go get the bus...or Troy...or something." He said, beginning to sweat.

Suddenly a dark figure stepped behind him, a large hammer in hand.

"Ok, so I go get Troy, Taylor distracts the old man and we get all this stuff out." He said.

He grinned and began to back up, but suddenly he bumped into someone.

He turned around slowly.

A large man wearing a horrific looking mask was standing in front of him.

Before Chad could even get a good look at his face, the man bashed Chad in the head.

"Owww, mother fu.." He began as he punched the man in the nose.

He stumbled backwards and dropped the hammer.

He rubbed his nose and looked up, a furious look in his eyes.

"Oh sh..." Chad began, but the camera cut him off.

**Cuts back to Taylor in the living room, talking to the old man.**

"Well he's not answering." She said, placing the phone on the hook.

"Well that's to bad." The old man said, getting ready to call for Leatherface.

"TAYLOR!" Someone shouted.

"CHAD!" She shouted back.

Suddenly the metal door came flying open and Chad came rushing out.

"The hell you doin in my house?" The old man asked.

"SCREW YOU!" Chad shouted.

"Chad, what's wrong?" She asked.

"We gotta go, these people are psychos!" He said, sliding a table in front of the door.

"Don't you go movin my stuff now." The old man said.

"What are you talking about?" She asked.

"This really big guy's after me cause I tried to steal his drugs and porn and stuff." He said.

"Chad that the..." She began, but suddenly the sound of a chainsaw starting cut them both off.

"Is that a...chainsaw?" She asked

"No no..that's a hair dryer, just stay put." The old man said.

"Go to hell, lets go!" Chad said grabbing her hand.

Suddenly the metal door slid open.

Chad and Taylor both froze.

They stood there for a few seconds, but no one came out.

Suddenly a giant man with a chainsaw came rushing out.

He flipped over the table Chad shoved in front of the door, and went crashing through the floor.

"DAMN IT!" The old man shouted.

**Clip cuts off**

Well what ya think? That's actually part of the movie...errr, story.


	3. Thomas Hewitt

I saw TCM: The Beginning. It was awsome, I'm going again next weekend, but until then...

_**GLH $tudios presents...**_

_**His name is Thomas Hewitt...**_

_Shows a glimpse of Leatherface_

_**He's a monster...**_

_Shows Leatherface hit someone in the face with a hammer_

_Shows Leatherface sewing a new mask_

_**He's ruthless...**_

_Shows Leatherface dragging a girl inside of a house_

_Shows Leatherface saw through someone's leg._

_**He's evil...**_

_Shows Leatherface hit someone in the back of the head with sledge hammer_

_Shows Leatherface saw a girl in the back_

_**He...could probably use some glasses**_

_Shows Chad run through the front door of a house and slam it shut, Leatherface tries to jump through it but bounces off and falls_

_Shows Leatherface rolling down a flight of stairs_

_Show Leatherface shoot himself in the forehead with a nailgun_

_**On Friday the 13th...**_

_Shows Leatherface chasing Taylor through a field_

_**Be prepared...**_

_Shows Leatherface on top of a bus_

_**to...**_

_Shows Leatherface tackle Chad through a wall_

_**...help this guy up.**_

_Shows Leatherface saw into his own leg_

_Shows Leatherface kick himself in the face_

_Shows Leatherface on the floor crying_

_"Should..should I call 911?" Ryan asks._

_"Nah...he'll be fine, come on boy...you knew Old Yeller was gonna die." The sheriff says._

_**An eye 4 an eye**_

_**10.13.06**_

_Shows Leatherface jump at the camera, but bang his nose off it and fall backwards_

Tommorow...The Creeper's teaser trailer


	4. The Creeper

3 more days...

_**GLH $tudios presents...**_

_**His name is...well...uhhhh, he...does'nt really have one, so we'll just call him The Creeper**_

_Shows a scarecrow look up._

_**His orgins are unknow**_

_Shows The Creeper spread his wings_

_Shows The Creeper bitting into someone's head_

_**Some...call him a demon...**_

_Shows The Creeper dragging a body_

_Shows The Creeper licking a window_

_**Some...call him a experiment gone wrong**_

_Shows The Creeper throwing a knife_

_Shows The Creeper fly through a window_

_**But on Friday the 13th...**_

_Shows a bus pull over on the side of the road_

_"Well I can't...what the hell was that?" Troy asked after a loud thud on top of the bus cut him off_

_**The world will know...**_

_Shows the gang hiding in an old house_

_"I think it's gone...go check Ryan." Chad whispers._

_**That...**_

_Shows Ryan slowly walking along a dirt road_

_"Hello?" He calls._

_**He's...**_

_Shows a flash pass above Ryan_

_Shows The Creeper slowly walking towards him_

_**...A little gay**_

_Shows The Creeper reach out for Ryan face, but Ryan slaps his hand away_

_The Creeper looks at his hand, then at Ryan, back at his hand...and flys away crying_

_**On Friday the 13th...**_

_Shows The Creeper slap Ryan, Ryan rubs his cheek and slaps him back_

_Shows Leatherface throw his chainsaw at The Creeper_

_Shows Ryan shoving Tic-Tacs down The Creepers throat_

_Shows The Creeper tackle Leatherface off of a bus_

_**Evil takes flight...**_

_Shows The Creeper flying away with Leatherface's chainsaw_

_Shows The Creeper staring down Sharpay _

_Shows The Creeper grab Ryan and fly off with him_

_**...but it won't make it very far.**_

_"HEY! That damn thing took of with my beer!" Sheriff Hoty shouts._

_"And my cigarettes!" Chad shouts._

_Shows The Sheriff pull a sheet off of something big._

_"Holy sh..." Chad starts, but sound of a turrent gun firing cuts him off._

_**An eye 4 an eye**_

_"Has anyone seen my mini skirt?" Sharpay asks._

_Shows The Creeper on top of the bus holding the skirt up to his waist _

_**10.13.06**_


	5. Food court beatdown

Well you waited and waited, and reviewed and reviewed, but patience is a virtue...who the hell am I kidding, I have no idea what that mean, ON WITH THE STORY!

Quick details.

1.**NO **chacter deaths

2.Slight slight blood/gore

3.**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! **

4.Some cussing, and drug reference

5.**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! **

6.Six chapters long

7.**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! **

8.Creative criticism is ok, requested really

9.**Enjoy!**

10.**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! **

**GLH $tudios presents...**

_Shows police digging through a burnt remains of a house..._

_Shows that creepy camera flash from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre._

**The fic which you are about to read is insipred by true events...well kind of, not so much...but the guy with the chainsaw, he was real...sort of, but anyway, it is an account of a tragedy...well more like a wacky mishap, that fell upon six youths, namely Sharpay Evans, and her invalid...I mean idiot brother Ryan. It was all the more stupid in that they were young, but had they lived very very long lives, they could not have expected, nor would they have wished to see as much of the ignorance, and stupidity as they were to see that day. For them, an idealic, October birthday drive, turned into one of the most bizzare fanfics in the annals of American history...The Texas...Chainsaw...**

Suddenly The Creeper pops up in front of the screen.

"HEY! I'm in this story too you know?"

"Yeah...but you kinda suck."

"I don't suck!"

"Yeah...you do."

"No...I don't."

"Yeah, ok, let's tally it up, you killed like...what? Four people, and Leatherface, just...wailed on like twenty."

"OH COME ON! I killed like...at least two hundred people, did'nt you see the church scene?"

"Yeah..that was kind of gay."

"It was'nt gay! Most people thought that was cool."

"No, what was cool was when Leatherface cut that guys face off, then turned around and looked at Jessica Biel and he was wearing his face, that was cool."

"That was dumb."

"Your face is dumb."

Suddenly Chad pops up.

"Look, I think I can settle this, you all three suck...ON WITH THE SHOW!"

_Shows that creepy camera flash._

Shows a shopping mall.

"Shhhhar." Ryan moaned, leaning up against a wall.

Sharpay was on her knees, in front of him.

"Hold on you cry baby I'm almost done." She said.

"P...please..." He said.

"Hold on, your almost there." She said.

"How are you doing this?" He whispered, begining to sweat.

"I just have a whole lot of experience." She said.

"Please...hurry, before someone sees us." He said.

"Almost done." She said.

"Did...did it come?" He asked.

"Yup." She smiled, popping up.

"Here, and watch out next time." She said, handing him a needle.

"Ok Shar." Ryan said, rubbing his thigh.

"At least you did'nt rip your pants." She said.

"Yeah...just my flesh." He said.

"I'm hungry, let's go eat." She said, walking out of the store and towards the food court.

Ryan was following next to her when he stopped to read a sign.

"Hmmmm, tailor and security wanted, maybe that could be a good Summer job for me." He said.

"Tailor? Security? You just got a needle stuck in your thigh." She said.

"Yeah...I guess so." He sighed.

They walked up and sat at a table, not thinking much about it.

"I'm gonna go order, what do you want?" She asked.

"Just a salad." He said.

"Ok." She smiled, hopping up.

Ryan began to pick at his thumb nail when suddenly someone grabbed his shoulder.

"What the hell do you think your doing?" Someone asked.

Ryan turned around to find about four really big guys wearing letterman jackets with the initials WH on them.

"I'm sitting here waiting on my sister." He smiled.

"These are our tables...so move." He said.

"But I thought they were the malls tables." He said.

"Wow...your pretty stupid are'nt you?" One of them asked.

"No...wait, I know you, you guys are on the West High basketball team." He said.

"That's us." One of them arrogantly smiled.

"Yeah...you guys lost three years in a row to East High, my friends are on the team." Ryan said.

The four guys looked at each other in disbelief.

"You dumb little bastard." One of them said.

"I already told you...I'm not..." Ryan began, but before he could finish, one of them punched him in the face.

Ryan jumped out of the chair, but another grabbed him and the other three began to punch him.

"Yeah, maybe this'll teach you." One of them said.

"Could'nt...I just read a book or something?" Ryan asked.

"SHUT UP!" One of them shouted, punching him in the mouth.

"HEY! LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Sharpay screamed.

"Oh boy pissy sister, let's go!" One of them said.

The kneed Ryan in the gut one last time and ran off.

Sharpay rushed up to Ryan and helped him up.

"Oh my gosh are you ok?" She asked.

"Yeah...I think so." He said, clutching his stomach and jaw.

"This is horrible...they stained your shirt." She said.

Ryan sighed.

"I wonder why mall security was'nt here for you." She said.

"I can answer that." Someone said.

Sharpay and Ryan both turned around to find someone holding a mop and wearing a coat, a hood concealing his face.

"Well?" She asked.

"Oh yeah...they security guard quit." He said.

"Why?" Sharpay asked.

"He was afraid something like this might happen." He said.

Sharpay and Ryan looked at each other.

"Yeah...and I'm just the janitor." He said.

"So you could'nt do anything to help me?" Ryan asked.

"Sorry kid." He said.

Suddenly he pulled his hood off.

Sharpay and Ryan gasped.

"Mr. T?" Sharpay asked.

"I pitty the mall who ain't got no security guard." He said, walking away.

"Wow." Ryan said.

"I know...his shoes were soooo ugly." She said.

"Yeah...that's it." Ryan said.

"I'm sorry you got beat up." She said.

"It's ok." He said.

"Hey, I just got a great idea." She said.

"What?" Ryan asked.

"Wel since I got to celebrate our bithday last year...and the year before that...and the year before that one, you know, come to think of it, you've never gotten to do what you want on our birthday." She said.

"Well, it's ok, I like seeing you happy." Ryan said.

"Well this year, it's your turn, we can do whatever you want for our birthday." She said.

"Really?" Ryan asked.

"Yup, so what do you wanna do?" She asked.

"Well,I've always wanted to go visit grandpa's old farm." Ryan said.

"Ugh, but that's all the way in Texas." She said.

"Yeah, but, it'll be fun, just the two of us." He said.

"Yeah...I don't think so." She said.

"Well, we could bring Troy and Gabriella along." Ryan said.

"Well...as long as Gabriella comes." Sharpay said,"AND! She has to wear those really tight jeans I love so much."

"Well I don't think she'll mind." Ryan said.

"Great, then let's go ask them." She said.

They stood up and walked to the doors of the mall, when suddenly a large man in boxing gloves walked up to them.

"Eyyy, either of yous twos seen a big old black guy, I'm lookin for him?" He asked.

"Wait...Rocky? Rocky Balboa." Sharpay asked.

"Eyyy." He said.

"Yeah, he went that way." Sharpay said.

"How bout that?" Ryan asked.

"I know...his shoes we're worse." She said.

Ryan shook his head as they crossed through the parking lot.

Well there you go. REVIEW!


	6. All in this together

Ok, don't forget to review.

Shows Ryan and Sharpay walk up to a door a knock.

"Uhhh, crap, hold on." Someone said.

Ryan made a confused face and Sharpay sighed and started filing her nails.

There were a few bangs, followed by a "Damn or "Crap.

After a few seconds, the door opened up.

"Hey Gabbi...you...look like...wow." Sharpay said.

"Yeah, I was uhhhh, "busy"." She said.

Suddenly Troy came walking up wrapped in a sheet.

"Ohhhh, that kind of busy." Sharpay grinned.

"Yeah...they were making the bed." Ryan said.

Everyone stopped and looked at him.

"See, this is why I hit you." Sharpay said.

Ryan sighed and looked down.

"So, you guys wanna come in?" Gabriella asked.

"But doesn't he wana get dressed?" Sharpay asked.

"Nah, your treat." Troy said.

"Well." Sharpay smiled, walking in.

"Come on." She said, pulling Ryan in.

"Yeah dude, what, you've never seen a ridulously good looking guy before covered only in a see through bed sheet?" Troy asked.

"Well...not ridiculous..." Ryan said.

Sharpay sat on theie couch.

"Ok look, Me and ryan's birthday is coming up." Sharpay said.

"Ryan and I." Gabriella said.

"But...I thought she was my sister." Ryan said.

"Go stand in the corner until the grown ups are done talking." Sharpay said.

"O...oh ok Shar." Ryan said.

"Ugh, Ryan don't stand in the corner." Gabriella said,"We just painted, go outside or something."

"Anyway, our birthday is coming and I've never realy let Ryan do what he wants so I realized that I need to be a better sister..." Sharpay began, but suddenly Ryan opened the front door,"Hey Shar this homeless guys wants money, do I give it to him or not?"

"DAMN IT RYAN!" Sharpay shouted.

"Ok ok." He said, closing the door.

"Anyway, he really wants to go to Texas to visit our grandfathers old farm, and I promised him we can go...if you guys come with...and wear those really tight jeans I love."

"Can do." Troy said.

"Ugh, I was talking to her." Sharpay said.

"Well...maybe Chad and Taylor can come, all six of us." Troy said.

"Yeah, and you know what would be cool?" Gabriella began.

"An orgy?" Sharpay asked excitedly.

"Noooo, I was thinking more along the lines of renting a bus or something, someting big and nice." She said.

"Someting big and nice? Can't be to hard to find." Troy smirked.

"Shut up." Gabriella said.

"Sounds cool, I bet Ryan will be really excited, speaking of him, where is he?" She asked.

"Oh, he's outside." Gabriella said.

Suddenly Ryan opened the door again,"Hey Shar, I have to go to the bathroom."

"Down the hall to the left, ignore the assorted pile of cloths, scented candles, and odd looking lotions." Troy said.

"Thanks." Ryan said.

"So, let's go get Chad and Taylor." Troy said, standing up and walking into his bedroom.

"Hurry." Sharpay said, combing Gabriella's hair as she put make up on.

"Hey, I just thought of something." Troy called.

"Yeah?" They asked.

"Do you guys even know who owns the place anymore, I mean you said, old farm." He said.

"Well, I'm sure it's abandoned, there were only like two other families living in the town with him, and the only two stores were a small general store and a slaughter house." Sharpay said.

"Oh...a slaughter house?" Troy asked.

"Yeah, but it closed along time ago, our grandpa ran the place, but he died when it closed down." She said.

"Died?" Ryan asked, stepping out of the restroom.

"I mean...he's on vacation." Sharpay said.

"Oh...yeah." Ryan said.

"How'd he die?" Gabriella whispered.

"He was beat to death with a sledge hammer." Sharpay sighed.

"That's horrible." Gabriella said.

"Not really, he was a dick." Sharpay said.

"Hmm." Gabriells shrugged.

"Ok, all ready." Troy said, running his hand through his hair.

"Ok, let's go." Gabriella said.

They headed out of the house and began to drive to Chad's appartment.

"Come to think of it, I've never even beem to Texas." Troy said.

"Oh, well it's not that great." Sharpay said.

"Yes it is, it's awsome, there are cows and stuff everywhere." Ryan said.

"There are cows and stuff here." Gabriella said.

Suddenly Troy began to chuckle.

"What?" Gabriella asked.

"Mrs. Darbus doesn't count." He laughed.

**10 minutes later...**

Shows Chad sneaking down a hallway.

He quietly, slowly opened a door and tip-toed in an appartment.

He checked and made sure it was empty.

He walked up to a table and moved a guitar aside.

"Come on." He said, digging through someone's wallet.

"Looking for this?" Someone asked.

Chad spun around to find Roger behind him with a small baggie.

"Damn." He said.

"Yup, not today." He smiled., opening the door.

"But here's something for your efforts." He said, tosssing Chad a joint.

"Freakin sweet!" Chad said, snatching it.

"That cover's Christmas and your birthday now go." He said.

"Wait...one thing." Chad said.

"Yeah?"

"Your hair is just...wow." He said.

"Thanks." He said, raising an eysbrow.

"No, thank you." Chad said, sticking the joint behind his ear and walking out of the appartment.

He was halfwat back to his appartment when Troy and the gang rounded the corner.

"Het dude." Troy said.

"Hey guys." Chad said.

"Hey, listen, our birthday is this weekend, we're going to Texas and we were wondering if you wanted to come with." Sharpay said.

"Ok, sound like...ok." Chad smiled.

"Cool, so if your going, Taylor will probably wanna go too, right?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah, I guess." Chad said.

"Ok, everyone's going." Troy said.

"Yup." Gabriella said.

"Alright, this is gonna be the best birthday ever." Ryan said.

"Yeah, just two days." Sharpay smiled.

**Two days later...**

Shows the gang stading in Chad's appartment hallway.

"Damn that was fast." Troy said.

"I know." Taylor said.

"Where'd you come from?" Sharpay asked.

"I don't know." She said, looking around confused.

"Man, we should pack." Chad said.

"Yeah, come on Gabbi." Troy said, walking downstairs.

"Well, I guess we're gonna go pack too." Sharpay said.

"Sounds great." Taylor smiled.

"Well, are you gonna pack Chad?" Ryan asked.

"I already am." Chad said, pulling out a Wal-Mart bag.

He turned it upside down, a gun, a beer ,a few bags of potato chips, a joint, and a dirty magazine fell out.

"Wow...I'll take that." Sharpay said, snatching the joint and running off.

"WAIT...DAMN!" Chad said, chasing after her.

"Boy, we're in for some trip." Taylor said.

"I know." Ryan said.

Ok, the next chapter- They leave, The first encounter with Leatherface, and The Creeper.


	7. Ya'll kids alright?

This is when all the fun begins...

"Ok, we're all packed, and I just put gas in the bus." Troy said, stepping in his house.

"Cool." Chad said.

"Yeah...no thanks to you two." Troy said, wiping beads of sweat off his forehead.

"Sorry, it's my knee, last week Sharpay kicked me really hard and it's been hurting since then." Ryan said.

"Yeah it's ok...but what's your excuse?" He asked Chad.

Chad shrugged,"It's really early, it's really hot...I don't wanna fuckin help."

Troy shook his head and walked to Gabriella's room.

"Hey you girls ready?" He asked through the door.

"Almost, give us a minute." Gabriella called.

"Or about sixty-nine seconds." Sharpay said.

Troy raised an eyebrow as the girls giggled.

He shrugged and walked back in the living room where Chad and Ryan were watching T.V.

He groaned and sat down.

"My back's already killing me." He said.

"Man...that's too bad." Chad said, never loking away from the T.V.

Troy glared at him.

"And maybe it wouldn't if you would have helped."

Chad thought for a second,"Nah."

Troy sighed as Ryan cocked his head to the side,"So...if this guys says I quit...then this guy wins, right?"

"For the last time, yes, it's called UFC and you win by..." Chad began but the girls came out of Gabriella's room.

"All ready." Sharpay smiled.

"Great." Troy sighed, pulling himself back up.

"What's wrong baby?" Gabriella asked.

"I think I threw out my back loading up the stuff, and this lazy bastard wouldn't help."

"OH YEAH? Well...your mom threw her back out...h..having sex...WITH ME!" Chad shouted.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Troy shouted, diving over the table and swinging at Chad.

"GUYS STOP!" Taylor shouted.

"No...wait...wait." Sharpay grinned, stopping her as Troy punched Chad in the jaw.

"COME ON YOU QUEER! I'VE SEEN EVERY ROCKY!" Troy shouted,

"SCREW YOU, YOU WHITE, FAKE ASS MOONWALKING JEW!" Chad shouted.

"ONLY A QUARTER, AND YOU SAID YOU LIKED THE MOONWALK!" Troy shouted.

"I though you did..." Ryan began, but Troy and Chad both punched him in the face.

"OK, THAT'S ENOUGH!" Gabriella shouted, stepping between them.

Troy and Chad glared at each other.

"Watch this." Taylor whispered to Sharpay.

She reached in her purse and pulled out a quarter.

She tossed it in front of Troy.

"Hey...look at that." Troy said.

"Wow...it's so shiny." Chad said.

"I know, I never realized how beatiful nickels really are." Troy said mesmerized.

"It's a dime you idiot." Chad said.

"Oh yeah." Troy said.

"Come on boys, plenty of dimes and nickels await you in the bus." Taylor said.

"Yeah...and someone drag Ryan along." Sharpay said.

Troy helped Ryan back to his feet and they headed to the bus.

"Ok, so everybody ready?" Troy asked.

"Yeah." Chad said.

"Ok, then here we go." Troy said, starting the bus.

Taylor and Chad sat on a couch and Ryan was sitting by thw window, listening to his iPod.

Gabriella sat next to Sharpay, who was sitting next to Taylor.

Who's driving the bus?(Lol, j/k, don't you hate math problems like that?)

"Ok, if we follow a strick schedule, we can make really good time, possibly make it to Texas within the next couple of hours." Gabriella said.

"Or, we could do this." Chad said, snapping his fingers.

**4 hours later...**

Shows the bus driving down a empty road, passing a rickety old sign that read,**"Welcome to Texas, where twice removed don't count"**

"Wow." Gabriella said.

"I know, that's a really neat party trick." Chad said.

"Hey..hey guys, I...I think we're almost there." Troy called.

"I know, ain't it great." Chad said, walking up to the window.

"I didn't know they still had cornfields here in Texas." He said.

"Apparently so." Taylor shrugged.

"So, whatcha listening...Chad began, but suddenly he stopped and stuck his head out the window.

"What?" Ryan asked.

Chad pulled his head back in.

"Did...that scarecrow just flick us off?" He asked.

"What scarecrow?" Taylor asked.

"That one back there." Chad said.

"I didn't see anything." Sharpay said.

"I swear there was a scarecrow out in one of those fields and it shot me the finger." Chad said.

"A what?" Troy asked.

"Dude, go back." Chad said.

"Ohhh, come on man, we're almost there." Troy moaned.

"Damn it this thing flicked me off!" Chad said.

"Troy just let him see the damn thing." Taylor said.

Troy sighed and stopped, he carefuly backed up until they were at the spot.

"Here?" He asked.

"Yeah...but...it's gone." Chad said.

"See, you were just imaging things." Ryan said.

"No way, I gotta see this." Chad said, jumping out of the bus.

"CHAD." Taylor called, but he ignored her and rushed towards the middle of the huge field.

"Come on." Troy sighed, stepping out of the bus and walkinh towards Chad.

Gabriella and Taylor follwed.

"Should we go?" Sharpay asked Ryan.

"Couldn't hurt." He said.

"Yeah, and maybe Chad will get killed!" She smiled, clapping her hands and rushing out of the bus.

Ryan shrugged and follwed after her.

They were almost to the middle of the field when something popped up in front of their bus.

The stocks in the fields were pretty high so they couldn't see, nor hear anything.

"See Chad, nothing here." Taylor said as she approached an old wooden cross.

"I swear it was here." Chad said, pulling a piece of black cloth of the cross.

"Nothing, sorry babe." Taylor said, taking his hand and pulling him away.

Chad shrugged and the gang walked back to th bus, but as they approached it, the smoke began to show.

"Oh no...oh HELL NO!" Troy said, rushing up to the hood.

"No no no!" He shouted.

"What?" Gabriella asked.

"Ugh, I don't know, a smoking hood, gee, let me think, maybe the bus is broken!" Troy said.

"You haven't even tried to start it yet." Taylor said.

"Tell ya what...you try." Troy smirked, tossing her the keys.

Taylor stepped in the bus and tried to start it, but nothing.

"Hmmm, maybe it is broken." Ryan said.

"You don't say." Troy said, oil covering his face.

"Well what are we gonna do?" Sharpay asked.

"Well...I'm gonna go wip this crap off my face to start." Troy said, walking in the bus.

Everyone follwed.

"Should we call someone?" Taylor asked.

"Like who?"

"I don't know, like a mechanic." She said.

"Oh, that's a great one, hi, yes, we're stranded in the middle of nowhere in some crap-hole town, could you come give us a jump?" Troy said, wiping his face with a towel.

"Hey, at east I'm trying." She said.

"WELL, IT'S NOT REALLY HELPING, IS IT?" Troy shouted.

"Hey, you don'y talk to her like that!" Chad said, getting in Troy's face.

"AND JUST..." Troy began, but suddenly a loud thud on top of the bus cut him off,"...The hell was that?"

Everyone sat in silence for a few seconds.

"Maybe...it was a horse." Ryan said.

"How would a horse get on top of a bus?" Gabriella asked.

"Maybe, it's a magical horse...and it can fix busses, and grant wishes, and Ashton Kutcher is riding it." He said.

Everyone slowly turned and stared at him.

"See, this is why no body likes you." Sharpay hissed.

Suddenly a hand shot through the roof and grabbed Gabriella's head.

"AHHHHH, OH MY GOD, GET IT OFF!" She screamed.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Troy shouted, pulling on the hand.

"GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!" She cried.

"MOVE!" Sharpay shouted.

She kicked the arm, snapping it in half, whatever was on top of the bus screached and pulled it's arm up.

"What the hell was that?" Taylor asked.

"I don't know, but God it had horrible nail beds." Sharpay said.

Everyone slowly looked at her.

"See this is why..." Ryan began, but she elbowed him in the stomach, knocking his breath out.

"I...I think it's gone." Chad said.

"Maybe." Troy whispered, Gabriella clinging to him.

"Someone should go check...Troy since you have a bad back...Ryan, you go." Chad said.

Ryan looked up slowly.

"But...I'm scared." He said.

"Damn it Ryan, what if it's Ashton, what if he's waiting for you?" Chad asked.

Ryan looked around nervously.

"I...I guess your right." He said, slowly walking towards the doors.

"Come on, do it for Ashton." Sharpay said.

Ryan took a deep breath and walked out of the bus.

"Dumbass." Chad said.

Ryan walked along the dirt road

"Hello?" He called.

Nothing.

"Ashton?" He called.

"Hey guys, I think it's clear, you can..." But suddenly a dark flash above him silenced him.

"What was that?" Troy asked.

"I think it was a bird... really big bird with a broken arm." Sharpay said.

Ryan stood still as something landed behind him.

"Holy...freaking...God." Chad said.

"What the hell is that?" Taylor asked.

Ryan turned slowly to find a giant bat like creature behind him.

_Jeepers, creepers, where'd ya get those peepers_

It cocked it's head to the side and looked at Ryan.

_Jeepers, creepers, where'd ya get those eyes?_

It took a step forward, never taking it's eyes off Ryan.

_Gosh all, git up, how'd they get so lit up,_

"Uhhh, guys." Ryan called, taking a small step backwards.

_Gosh all, git up, how'd they get that size?_

The creature was only five feet away from Ryan now who was a good distance from the bus.

_Golly gee! When you turn those heaters on_

It looked Ryan directly in the eyes, it's own growing huge.

_Woe is me, got to put my cheaters on,_

It smirked and took a step closer, Ryan and the rest of the gang were frozen with fear.

_Jeepers, creepers, where'd ya get those peepers?_

"Guys..." Ryan called again, the monster slowly reaching out.

_Oh, those weepers, how they hypnotize!_

"Ryan...RYAN RUN!" Sharpay shouted, but Ryan was frozen as the creature brushed his cheek.

_Where'd ya get those eyes?_

Suddenly Ryan slapped the creatures hand away.

The creature looked at his hand, then at Ryan, back at his hand...and flew away crying.

"What...in the hell just happened?" Sharpay asked.

Ryan slowly turned around.

"I think...I think I hurt it's feelings." He said, rubbing his cheek.

Suddenly a loud screech came from the sky.

"Or not." Ryan shrugged.

He darted off towards the bus, the creature soaring up behind him.

"RUN!" Taylor screamed.

The bat was a few feet behind him when suddenly...BANG!

The creature went flying into the grill of the bus.

Ryan fell on the ground, covering his head.

The rest of the gang slowly peaked out of the window.

"What now?" Taylor asked.

Ryan slowly turned around.

There was a sheriff behind him, smoking shot gun in hand.

"Ya'll kids alright?" He asked, spitting tobacco on the ground and pumping the shot gun...

Yeah...it's like 5 in the morning right now and I'm way to tired to go back and check, I hope it turned out ok.


	8. Spilt Up

Hey hey hey! I'll tell you what, never in my life have I enjoyed writing a fic more! Leatherface and Sheriff Hoyt are right up on there in my list of heros, right between Rocky Balboa and Jesus, and great news! If you go to youtube dot com, you can get all the bootleg parts from TCM: The Beginning. Is it legal? NO! Is it free? YES! So go get them before youtube gets sued and takes them down!

The gang sat in silence for a few seconds.

"I said are ya'll kids alright?" He asked again, adjusting his hat.

They still didn't answer, Ryan slowly pulled himself up off the dirt road.

"ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION!" He shouted, firing the shotgun in the air.

Everyone jumped,"YES...SIR, THANK YOU SIR!" Ryan shouted.

The sheriff smirked and slowly walked up to Ryan.

"What's your name son?"

"R...R...Ryan...sir." He said, trembling.

"So, Ryan Sir, where are you headed?" He asked.

"I...mean my name's Ryan, sir, my last name's Evans, Ryan Evans."

"That ain't what I asked, is it asshole? Now where are you headed?" He asked.

"Here...sir, we came here to visit my grandfather's old farm." He said.

"Oh really, and who was your grandfather?"

"Steven Evans sir, he ran the old slaughter house." Ryan said.

The sheriff began to chuckle,"You don't say, well that sum bitch's dead now, I remember, we...had him for dinner."

Ryan raised and eyebrow.

"And who are these?" He asked.

"Well...this is my sister, Sharpay..." Ryan began, but the sheriff died laughing,"AHHAHAHAHAHA, The...haha...the hell kinda name is Sharpay?"

Sharpay narrowed her eyes as the sheriff wiped a tear out of his.

"And...this is Troy, his girlfriend Gabriella, Chad, and his girlfriend Taylor." Ryan finished.

"Chad and Taylor...strange, ain't seen a darkie since my days over in Korea." He said.

Chad's mouth fell open and he shook his head.

"And...what the hell's this?" He asked, guesturing towards the bat.

"We...we don't know sir." Ryan said.

"Ok, the name's Hoyt." He said.

"Oh..well Mr. Hoyt..." Ryan began, but he cut him off once more,"GODDAMN IT, IT'S SHERIFF HOYT!"

"I'm sorry!" Ryan said, jumping backwards.

"Go on." He said.

"Well, it just attacked us sir, and we..." Ryan began, but suddenly Hoyt raised the shotgun right in Ryan's face.

"RYAN!" Sharpay screamed.

"OH MY GOD I'M SORRY!" Ryan yelped, covering his face.

Hoyt shoved him aside and got in one shot before the creature flew away.

"DAMN IT!" He shouted, tossing his hat down.

"YOU MADE ME MISS THE GODDAMN THING!" He shouted.

"I'm sorry." Ryan said.

"Yeah, your gonna be real sorry ashole, GET IN THE CAR!" He shouted.

"WHY?" Ryan shouted.

"YOU HEARD ME FAGGOT, GET IN THE GODDAMN CAR!" He shouted.

"YOU..." Sharpay began, but Hoyt stopped her,"YOU KEEP YOUR SWEET LITTLE ASS IN THAT BUS OR I'LL BLOW IT OFF!"

Sharpay narrowed her eyes and stepped back in the bus.

"Now, we's going bat hunting." Hoyt said.

"But..." Ryan began,"YOU WANNA DIE? CAUSE I CAN JUST USE YOUR ASS FOR BAIT!"

"NO SIR! HUNTING IT IS SHERIFF SIR HOYT!"

"Close enough, now get in the car."

Ryan sighed and looked at the gang sadly.

Chad shrugged and gave Ryan a thumbs up.

Ryan gave a weak smile and climbed in the car.

"Ok, you asshole's stay put." Hoyt said, climbing in the car.

The gang watched in horror as he pulled away, Ryan right beside him.

"YOU ASSHOLE!" Sharpay screamed at the top her her lungs.

"I can't belive this." Troy said.

"I know...I can't belive they canceled The Jeffersons." Chad said.

"Damn it Chad, we have a real problem, we have some psycho with Ryan out there, a giant, bat monster looking for us, what the hell are we gonna do." Taylor asked.

"Ok fine, I'll go get him." Chad said, jumping up.

"You can't just..." Gabriella began, but Chad waved her off,"Nah, I'll be back in no time, ya'll just stay put."

"No way, I'm going with you." Taylor said.

"Yeah, and so are we, right guys?" Sharpay asked.

"Yeah...we could do that...or we could take all our cloths off and go crazy." Troy said.

"WHAT?" Taylor shouted.

"Yeah Troy...it's way to early, wait till night fall." Chad winked.

"Ok, come on Shar." Taylor said.

Taylor and Chad turned to walk away, but Sharpay sat in the bus.

"Well...come on." Taylor said.

"Mmmm, nah, he'll be fine, but you guys go on, we'll catch up with you later." She said, slamming the bus door and closing the blinds.

Taylor and Chad looked at each other in disbelief.

"I can't belive that." Taylor said.

"I know..I could be in Troy...I...mean there right now." He said.

"No way, we owe it to Ryan." Taylor said.

"Fine." Chad sighed.

They set off down the dirt road as the bus slightly shook.

**Meanwhile**

"You drink?" Hoyt asked Ryan.

"No sir." Ryan said.

"Wrong answer asshole." He said, smashing a bottle over Ryan's face.

Ryan jumped and grabbed his face.

Hoyt began to chuckle.

"Your funny, I like you, Thomas is gonna double like you." He said.

"Who's Thomas?" Ryan asked, still clutching his face.

"My boy, you two's gonna get along real nicely." He said.

Ryan looked down nervously.

"Hey, you a boy scout?" He asked.

"No...no sir ERRR, Sheriff." Ryan said.

"Well I'm about to make one of ya." Hoyt said stopping the car.

"Here." He said, handing Ryan a compass.

"What's this?" Ryan asked.

"Your salvation, have fun." He said.

Suddenly he kicked the door open.

"What..." Ryan began, but before he could finish, Hoyt kicked him in the arm, knocking Ryan out of the car.

He sped away laughing.

"WAIT! WHAT HAPPENS IF I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATROOM?" Ryan shouted.

Ryan sighed and looked down at the compass.

"Ok, so the red needle points to the N...which mean No, so I go towards the S, which means Supercalifragilisticexpialidoceous." He said, walking off.

Suddenly he came upon a sign that read,

_**"Stranded teens this way"**_

_**"Murderous cannibalistic family this way" **_

"HA, stupid misleading sign." Ryan said, walking towards the murderous cannibalistic family.

**Meanwhile**

"TAYYYY!" Chad sighed.

"NO! We are not going back." Taylor said, walking up a hill.

"It's been like...forever." Chad groaned.

"It's been like twenty minutes." She said.

"This is worse than going shopping with you." He said.

"Ugh, you said you liked going cloths shopping with me." She said.

"Yeah...when I get to go in the changing room with you." Chad said.

Taylor rolled her eyes as she reached to top of the hill.

"Hey...look, a convinetly placed old spooky house, let's go ask them for help and probably get mauled by a chainsaw wielding maniac." She smiled.

"Sound like a plan." Chad shrugged, walking towards the house...

So...I got nothing...just review...


	9. Grand Finale

"Hello?" Taylor asked, pounding on the front of the house.

"Ok, no one's home, let's go." Chad said.

"No, HELLO?" Taylor called again, knocking on the front door.

"Man this is worse than that time I went camping with that foreigner." Chad said.

Shows Chad sitting on a log in the middle of a desert.

"Are you sure we're safe?" He asked.

"Yeah yeah...we're fine." Osama Bin Laden said, pulling out a pack of marshmallows.

"I've got S'mmmmooooores." He said.

"I...I really feel uncomfortable." Chad said.

"Oh come on, losen up, I've got Mouse Trap." He said, digging through a back-pack.

"Oh God." Chad sighed.

"God? INFIDEL!" He shouted.

"What?" Chad asked.

"Coke?"

"Sure I'd love some." Chad smiled.

Cuts back.

"Well maybe there..." Taylor began, but suddenly the door flew open.

"May I help you?" An old man in a wheelchair asked.

"Hi...uhhhhh, I was wondering if the sheriff's home?" Taylor asked.

"No, but your more than welcome to come wait for him." He said.

"Thank you so much." Taylor said.

"He's gotta stay out here though." He said.

"Fine." Chad said, slapping Taylor's butt.

She smiled and stepped into the house.

"So, why are you looking for the sheriff?" He asked.

"He has our friend." Taylor said.

"You don't say." He said, looking at a crack in the wall and nodding.

Shows a dark figure pass behind Taylor and the old man.

"Man...screw this." Chad said, sneaking into the house.

"Bathroom...bathroom." He said, looking around.

Shows Taylor sitting on an old couch.

"Do you know when he's gonna be back?" She asked.

"Well I don't know, but I do got a phone, so you can call him." He said.

"I don't know his number." She said.

"I've got it." He said.

"Oh, ok." She said, walking in the room.

"Yup, and when Tommy gets here...dinner time, and I'm having dark meat tonight." He said to himself.

Meanwhile

Shows Chad walk up to an old metal sliding door.

"Hmmm."

He checked behind him, nothing.

He slowly opened the door, reavealing a dark flight of stairs.

He shrugged and began to walk down them.

"Oh my God." He said, placing his hand over his mouth.

The basement smelled horrible, their were dead bodies, severed arms, legs, heads, fingers, and all sorts of gruesome things everywhere.

Chad began to back up when he bumped into a body hanging from a hook.

"This...this..." He began, but suddenly he reached in the hanging bodies back pocket, pulled out it's wallet, took the cash, stuffed it in his pocket and put the wallet back,"Is horrible"

He turned to leave, but noticed a door open a crack.

"Do I dare?" He asked himself.

He slowly approached it.

He reached out and began to slowly turn the door knob.

"Ok...one...two...three!" He exclaimed, throwing the door open.

He jumped back.

"Oh...my...god." He mumbled.

Inside of the closet were bags full of weed, crack, cocaine, countsless cases of beer, at least twenty kegs, boxes and boxes of cigarettes, boxes full of Playboy magazines, sacks full of money, and hundreds of guns mounted on the wall.

Chad's eyes filled with tears,"You are up there." He said, looking up.

He began to chew his nails,"I can't leave without this stuff."

"I...I gotta go get the bus...or Troy...or something." He said, beginning to sweat.

Suddenly a dark figure stepped behind him, a large hammer in hand.

"Ok, so I go get Troy, Taylor distracts the old man and we get all this stuff out." He said.

He grinned and began to back up, but suddenly he bumped into someone.

He turned around slowly.

A large man wearing a horrific looking mask was standing in front of him.

Before Chad could even get a good look at his face, the man bashed Chad in the head.

"Owww, mother fu.." He began as he punched the man in the nose.

He stumbled backwards and dropped the hammer.

He rubbed his nose and looked up, a furious look in his eyes.

"Oh sh..." Chad began, but the camera cut him off.

Cuts back to Taylor in the living room, talking to the old man.

"Well he's not answering." She said, placing the phone on the hook.

"Well that's to bad." The old man said, getting ready to call for Leatherface.

"TAYLOR!" Someone shouted.

"CHAD!" She shouted back.

Suddenly the metal door came flying open and Chad came rushing out.

"The hell you doin in my house?" The old man asked.

"SCREW YOU!" Chad shouted.

"Chad, what's wrong?" She asked.

"We gotta go, these people are psychos!" He said, sliding a table in front of the door.

"Don't you go movin my stuff now." The old man said.

"What are you talking about?" She asked.

"This really big guy's after me cause I tried to steal his drugs and porn and stuff." He said.

"Chad that the..." She began, but suddenly the sound of a chainsaw starting cut them both off.

"Is that a...chainsaw?" She asked

"No no..that's a hair dryer, just stay put." The old man said.

"Go to hell, lets go!" Chad said grabbing her hand.

Suddenly the metal door slid open.

Chad and Taylor both froze.

They stood there for a few seconds, but no one came out.

Suddenly a giant man with a chainsaw came rushing out.

He flipped over the table Chad shoved in front of the door, and went crashing through the floor.

"DAMN IT!" The old man shouted.

Taylor and Chad stood in silence.

"Do...do we run?" He asked.

"I...I guess so." She said, taking off running.

"DAMN IT THOMAS GET UP AND RUN, LIKE FOREST." Monty(The old man).

Leatherface pulled himself up through the floor, licked his chainsaw up and darted of after Chad and Taylor.

"RUN, RUN TAYLOR." Chad screamed.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M DOING?" She shouted.

"YOU GO THAT WAY!" Chad shouted, shoving her down a trail through the woods.

"CHAD..." She screamed, disappearing in the the woods.

"KEEP RUNNING BABE!" He shouted.

Suddenly he stopped and lit up a cigarette.

"Man...I needed my space." He said.

He stood still and smoked for a few mintes before the sound of a chainsaw caused him the dart off running.

He jumped over a fence post and continued to run, Leather however, tripped and went flying.

His chainsaw flew in front of him and he landed on his back, squealing and moaning uncontrollably.

Chad stopped running, he turned and stared at at Leatherface.

"That...that'll teach ya." He nodded.

Suddenly Leatherface sat up, an enraged look upon his face.

"Oh hell." Chad said, darting off back towards the house.

Shows the back door of the house.

"Hello?" Ryan called.

He stood at the door for a few seconds.

"Hello?" He called again.

He shrugged and stepped inside.

"Wow." He said, looking at the huge hole in he floor.

He continued towards a giant metal door.

"Hmmmm." He said, pulling it open.

He climbed the dark flight of stairs and ito the room.

"Hello?" He called.

He walked up to a rotting corpse.

"Hey...you ok?" He asked, poking it.

"Hmmm, I guess your sleeping." He said.

Suddenly someone opened the door.

Ryan turned and waited to see who it was.

Chad came rushing down the stairs.

"Hi Chad." Ryan smiled.

"AHHHHHHHHHH." Chad shouted.

Ryan's eyes grew huge,"AHHHHHHHHHH."

"AHHHHHHHHHH."

"AHHHHHHHHHH"

"RYAN!" Chad shouted, slapping him.

"Owwww, what?" He asked.

"We have to get out...of this particular spot and find me those dr...door...we have to find the closet door." Chad said.

"Why? Where are we?" Ryan asked.

"Remember what Sharpay said?" Chad asked.

Ryan sighed,"Yeah, not in the hair, I have a date tonight."

Chad made a disgusted face,"NO! You'll never learn anything by asking so many questions, now look damn you!"

Ryan nodded and began to look around.

"Hey, what's this?" He asked, picking up a small box.

"Beats me, open it." Chad said.

Ryan pulled the top off.

In the box was a needle and a few spools of thread.

"It's a sewing kit." Ryan said.

"Useless." Chad said, shoving a board to the side.

"THOMAS!" Someone shouted drom upstairs.

Ryan jumped and knocked a glass over, which shattered, causing Chad to jump and drop the board which landed on a table, which knocked over a sewing machine, which Ryan leaned over the table to grab, the board slid off the table and hit a coat rack, which fell and hit a nail gun, which fired...straight towards Ryan outstretched hand.

The nail shot right through his hand and stuck deep into the wall.

Ryan looked at his hand, then at Chad, at his hand, then Chad.

Chad covered his mouth and watched as Ryan inspected his hand, which was now a wall ornament.

"Chad?" Ryan wimpered.

"Yes Ryan?" Chad asked.

Ryan's began to sniffle,"It's gonna hurt real bad in a second, isn't it?"

"Yes Ryan." Chad said.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!" Ryan screamed.

"CALM DOWN!" Chad shouted, looking for something to free him.

"THOMAS GODDAMN IT, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" Someone shouted from upstairs.

"Oh hell." Chad said, looking towards the ceiling.

"I think we've got rats, better go flush em out." Hoyt said.

"Crap crap crap." Chad said, looking around.

Suddenly he grabbed a jar full of blood and dirt, he splashed it all over Ryan's face.

"WHAT..." Ryan began, but chsad covered his mouth.

"Shhh, trust me." He whispered.

He grabbed an old blanket and drapped it over Ryan's legs ans waist.

"Now, don't move, don't talk, don't even breath." Chad said.

He slid under the table under Ryan as the metal sliding door flew open.

"Chad...what if we die?" Ryan whispered.

"Shhh." Chad hissed, sticking his head through a crack in the table.

Leatherface walked into his workshop and dropped his chainsaw on a table.

He cocked his head to the side and picked up a coat rack.

He stood it back up and hung his apron from it.

He walked over to a desk and opened it.

He pulled a small book and pen out of it.

Suddenly he dove onto his cot.

"Dear diary, like, oh my God, Mrs. Smith is like, such a bitch, and like...OMG! We got this totally cute new guy in fifth peroid biology class, he's like, super cute." Leatherface said, scribbling this down.

"Chad...my nose itches." Ryan said.

"Shut up." Chad hissed.

Suddenly Leatherface shot up.

He began to look around the room.

"Chad...if we die, their's something I've always wanted to say." Ryan said.

"I know, I love you to buddy." Chad whispered.

"No...can I touch your hair?" Ryan asked.

"What?" Chad asked.

"I've just always wondered what it felt like." Ryan said.

"That's...really weird." Chad said.

"Well if you die before me, I'm gonna do it." Ryan said.

"Well that makes me feel real uncomfortable around you." Chad said.

"Well I'm sorry..." Ryan began.

"No no, just...forget about it." Chad said.

"Yeah, but now I feel bad." Ryan said.

"No...it's ok, really just drop it." He said.

"No but I feel like a jerk now." Ryan said.

"Don't...just don't worry, it's cool, I promise." Chad said.

"Yeah but I..." Ryan began, but suddenly he stopped and looked up.

Chad closed his eyes and sighed.

"Ryan?" He asked.

"Yeah?"

"He's...ringht behind me, isn't he?"

"Yeah Chad."

"And my head is stuck, isn't it."

"Most likely." Ryan nodded.

"He's got a chainsaw, doesn't he?"

"No, not yet."

"Ok, on three...three...two...ONE!" Chad shouted.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Ryan shouted.

"FOOL!" Chad screamed as Leatherface flipped the table over and yanked the blamket off Ryan.

"RYAN, HELP!" Chad shouted, trying to get his head out.

Ryan tried to pulled Chad head loose as Leatherface started his saw.

He ran at Chad, but stopped, reached and and touched his hair.

"Man, I wanted to do that." Ryan said.

"RYAN!" Chad shouted.

"Oh yeah."

Ryan tossed the blanket over Leatherface and yanked Chad's head loose.

"RUN!" He shouted as Leatherface tossed the blanket off and chased them up the stairs.

They reached the top and closed the door behind them.

"HEY, YOU ASSHOLES!" Hoyt shouted, drawing his gun.

Chad grabbed Ryan by the arm and darted towards the door, meanwhile, Leatherface slid open the door and came rushing out.

Chad and Ryan were at the front door when suddenly Chad dived to the floor, pulling Ryan down with him.

Suddenly The Creeper smashed through the front door and tackled Hoyt through the wall.

"YOU A..." Was all he got out.

Leatherface stopped and walked over the the crash scene.

"Maybe we should go..." Ryan whispered.

"No...wait...wait." Chad said, grinning as Leatrherface tugged on The Creepers wing.

Suddenly he shot up in front of Leatherface.

He cocked his head to the side as The Creeper spread his wings.

Leatherface nodded and picked up his saw.

"Ok...we can go." Chad said,"NOW NOW NOW!"

The Creeper screeched which caused Leatherface to dart through the front door, right behind Ryan and Chad.

"CHAD...IS HE RUNNING FROM US...OR WITH US?" Ryan shouted.

"I don't know, just keep running!" Chad said.

They were in the middle of a huge cornfield when Leatherface stopped and tossedhis saw at The Creeper, who was flying after them.

He caught it and smirked.

"Way to go you frickin idiot." Chad said, throwing his hands up.

Leatherface pulled out a hammer and swung at Chad, who ducked, Leatherface missed and hit himself in the back of the head.

"RUN!" Ryan sreamed as The Creeper landed on solid ground.

Chad and Leatherface ran behind Ryan as The Creeper chased them on foot.

Shows the bus where Troy, Gabriella, and Sharpay stayed.

Show Troy leaning back in the drivers seat smiling.

Suddenly Gabriella popped up.

"Do you hear something?"

"No no, just...keep at it." He said, pushing her back down.

"I swear I hear something, like a humming or something, kinda like music." She said.

"Well that kind of makes sense cause uhhh...I just got my head in the game." He said.

"UGH, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT WARNING ME?" She shouted.

Cuts back the Chad, Ryan, and Leatherface.

"HE SO CLOSE WERE ALL GONNA DIE!" Ryan shouted.

"YOU ASSHOLE, FLY IN THE MY GODDAMN HOUSE!" Someone shouted.

Suddenly Hoyt ran over The Creeper with his car, he went flying through the air.

"YOU GOT HIM..." Ryan began, but The Creeper feel on him before he could finish.

"YOU DAMN FOOL!" Hoyt screamed, slapping Leatherface,"GET THAT THING READY, I'M FINISHING THISH ASSHOLE!"

"Look at this ungly sum bitch." He said, kicked The Creeper.

"Hey...you tried to shot us." Ryan said.

"Well look at this, we've got a genius on out hands." He said.

"Well I like to think..." Ryan smiled.

Hoyt reached into his pocket and pulled out a beer.

"This sum bitch comes into my house, you belive that?" He asked.

"I know." Chad said, pulling out a pack of cigarettes.

Suddenly The Creeper stood up.

"TOMMY!" Hoyt shouted.

The Creeper darted between Chad and Hoyt and flew away.

"HEY! That damn thing took of with my beer!"

"And my cigarettes!"

"MOVE YOU RETARDED ASSHOLE!"

Hoyt shoved Leatherface aside and pulled a sheet off of something big.

"Holy shit." Chad said, jaw falling open.

"Wow." Ryan said.

"YOU ASSHOLE, AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Hoyt shouted, firing a turrent gun attached to the back of his car at The Creeper.

"WATCH WAITIN FOR, GET THOSE TWO ASSHOLES!" Hoty shouted.

Leatherface picked up his saw.

"Oh come on, HEY I WANT THOSE CIGARETTES BACK!" Chad shouted.

Shows Sharpay step outside of the bus.

"Do you think Ryan and the rest are ok?"

"Ehhh, they'll be fine." Troy shrugged.

Suddenly Ryan came flying down a hill.

"I had to ask." Sharpay sighed.

"HEY!" Chad shouted.

"STOP SHOU..." Sharpay began, but suddenly Leatherface came down the hill after them.

"Oh my God, there's a giant, fat, hideously disfigured, cannibalistic monster chasing after them!" Sharpay said.

"But I though Rosie O' Donnell was busy with The View." Gabriella said.

Ryan and Chad rushed into the bus.

"OH MAN, WOOOOOOO!" Chad shouted.

"Ewww, you two need a shower." Sharpay said, holding a cup of coffee, and wearig only her robe.

"Chad man, you missed it, Gabriella was totally doing this thing with her tongue..." Troy began.

"Was it cool?" Chad asked.

"Wel I dunno but Sharpay wouldn't stop screaming." He said.

"Nice." Chad grinned.

"UHHH, CAN WE TRY TO FIND SOMETHING TO STOP HIM!" Ryan shouted.

"Fine fine." Chad said,"Hey wait...oh hell."

"What?"

"Where's Taylor?"

"Opps." Ryan said.

"Opps? YOU LOST TAYLOR!" Gabriella screamed.

"We didn't lose Taylor...we temporarily misplaced her." Chad said.

"I wonder where she is anyway." Ryan said.

Shows Tin Man, Scarecrow, The Lion, and Taylor all standing in front of the wizard.

"And Taylor, you wanted Emmitt Smith's legs broken." The wizard said.

"Yeah, I WANNA SHOW THAT BASTARD..." She began, turning and seeing the cameras behind her,"...just how proud of him I really am..." She smiled.

"No, now I wanna go back to my stupid friends." She sighed.

"Click your heels together and give me fifty bucks."

"Ok." She said, pulling it out of her pocket.

"Here." She said.

"Ok, so now what."

"Walk out of that door."

"Ok, now what?" She asked, standing outside.

"I'll tell you what, ya just lost fifty buck bitch!"

With that, the door slammed.

"WAIT!" She screamed, kicking the door.

"Jerk." She said, turning around to face the gang.

Everyone looked suprised.

"Where...in the hell?" Troy asked.

"I don't know...WHY DO THESE THING KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?" She shouted.

Suddenly the top of the bus dented in.

"SHHH, he's on the roof." Ryan said.

"No crap?" Chad asked.

Everyone sat in silence for a few seconds before the sound of a chainsaw starting cut them off.

"Oh crap." Taylor said.

"Is that a...chainsaw?" Gabriella asked.

"Your gonna think this is soooo funny..." Chad began, but the chainsaw blade shot through the roof of the van.

"OH MY GOD WE'RE GONNA D..." Gabriella began, but suddenly the chainsaw died.

"Well...that was as effective as Oprah's makeup team." Chad said, high fiving Troy.

"Is...is he gone?" Taylor asked.

Suddenly Leatherface fel through the roof of the bus.

"That would be a no." Chad said.

"RUN!" Taylor shouted as everyone rushed out of the bus.

The Creeper was standing on top of the bus.

"Oh hell." Troy said.

"I think he can see us." Ryan whispered.

"Yeah...but can he see why we love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?" Chad asked, holding out a bowl.

"Because it has human flesh on it?" The Creeper asked.

"No, because, HAHA!" Chad shouted, throwing the bowl at him.

"BAHHH, cinnamon, MY ONE WEAKNESS!" The Creeper shouted.

"Your joking." Troy shouted.

"Yeah, I'm just screwing with ya." The Creeper laughed.

"Hey wait, look." Ryan said, pointing to the sky.

"What about it?" Chad asked.

"Sunrise, that's always a good thing in these types of movies." Ryan said.

"Ryan, this isn't a movie..." Sharpay laughed"..._yet_."

Suddenly The Creeper pulled out a PDA,"Oh my God, what day is it?"

"Saturday." Troy said.

"But I thought it was Monday?" Gabriella asked.

"Ha, no no, it's always the weekend in this guys stories."

"Really, I never noticed." Chad said.

"Yeah, that one where we get beat up by that wrestler...the devil something, and uhhhh, when we got attacked in those hills, and uhhhh, that one...oh wait, this one, and uhhhh, yeah, but still...wow...this guy really needs a life."

"No no, he's cool, his grammer just needs work, and maybe a little more description, like, telling them what I'm wearing, what face I'm making, etc." Gabriella said.

"Yeah...and maybe he should try something different once in a while, like..." Chad began.

"PEOPLE!" The Creeper shouted.

Everyone went silent.

"When that sun comes up, I'm gonna turn into..." He began, But suddenly Leatherface drug him into the bus.

"WAIT...AHHHHHHH!" The Creeper screamed as Leatherface started the chainsaw.

"WHAT IN THE GODDAMN HELL?!" Hoyt shouted, pulling up.

"Well, the ugly thing pulled the uglier thing into the bus and now somethings dying.

"STOP!" Someone shouted, rushing out of the bus.

"Oh..." Sharpay began.

"My..." Taylor began.

"K-Fed?" Ryan asked.

"Pshhhh, yeah." He said.

"Ohhhh, wait...I'm lost." Chad said.

"It's easy fool, look every twenty three years, for twenty three days I eat, then when I'm done, I sleep...with a really slutty washup, like my ho ass ex."

"Oh, so I get, K-Fed's...a creep." Taylor said.

"Ohhhh yeah, cause he...oh I get it...it's sort of funny, I didn't think the author was smart enough to think up a joke this clever, and deep rooted." Sharpay said.

"Ok, well...is...this it? Are we done?" Troy asked.

"I guess...so." Hoyt said,"I really don't wanna kill any of ya."

"Yeah, and...we don't wana kill...you...either." Ryan shrugged.

"Yeah, well I think..." Taylor began, but suddenly a huge explosion cut them off.

"Oh no...no, GODDAMN IT MONTY, TURN IT TO THE LEFT, THE LEFT IS OFF!" Hoyt shouted as smoke could be seen though the distance.

"What happened?" Troy asked.

"Way to Thomas!" Hoyt shouted, as Leatherface walked out of the bus.

He looked up confused.

"Well, out goddamn house is gone."

"Wow, what a slighly humorous, yet totally understandable twist." Gabriella smiled.

"Well we's screwed now." Hoyt said.

"Wow." Ryan said, looking at Leatherface's mask.

"What?" Sharpay asked.

"Did you sew this yourself?" Ryan asked.

Leatherface nodded.

"You know...I may have a a slight idea where you two can stay."

"What a momma?" Hoyt asked.

"She can come to." Ryan said.

"Well, where is they gonna stay?" Sharpay asked.

"NOT IT!" Troy and Chad shouted.

"Chad that was rude..." Taylor said,"Nice save." She whispered.

"Well..." Ryan began as the camera began to fade out...

Cuts to black

2 weeks later...

"Wow, that's really cute." Taylor said.

"I know." Sharpay smiled, reaching out for a shirt on a rack.

Shows Chad and Ryan sitting the food court of the mall.

"Your hands healed up ok." Chad said.

"Yeah, it wasn't that bad." Ryan shrugged, picking at the bandages.

"Well I'm hungry." Chad said, jumping up,"I'd offer you something, but uhhh, don't wanna." He shrugged.

Ryan shook his head.

"Hey, I thought I told you to keep away from our table." Someone said.

Ryan turned to find four really big guys wearing letterman jackets with the initials WH on them.

"Hey...aren't you guys those jeks that beat me up a few weeks ago?" Ryan asked.

"Just move your ass, and we won't kick it."

"Mmmm, don't wanna." Ryan shrugged.

"Looks like you just never learn." One of them said, grabbing Ryan and cocking his fist back.

Suddenly someone kicked him so hard in the face he went flying over the table.

"Oh snap!" One of the others said, trying to run, but someone grabbed him and tossed his through the menu sign.

The other two took off running.

Ryan smirked and picked his hat up.

"Good job Tommy." He said.

Leatherface nodded.

Hoyt came up in a golf cart.

"Alright Thomas, quit scewing around, you got sewing to do, get to it." Hoyt said.

"Excuse me, who are you?" The owner of the food stand that Leatherface tossed the jock through.

"I'm mall security asshole." Hoyt said.

The man shook his head and walked away.

"Well Ryan, that was awfully kind of ya to get us a job...and place to stay here in New Mexico, you know, after we tried to kill and eat ya." Hoyt said.

"Well, I just figured, it would be a nice thing to do." Ryan smiled.

"Well if you ever have trouble again, gimme a call, I'll round up Thomas and we'll kick some ass." Hoyt said.

"Ok." Ryan laughed.

"Alright...HEY, YOU ASSHOLE, DID YOU PAY FOR THAT?" Hoyt shouted, drawing his gun and chasing after someone.

Ryan sighed.

Chad walked back up.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Ehhh, nothing." Ryan smiled.

The explosion that destoyed the Hewitt's house burned and buried all evidence that the Hewitt's wre cannibals or mass murderers. Ryan Evans figured it would be nice to get them a new place to stay, so he helped Sheriff Hoyt get a job as the new mall security guard and Thomas Hewiit...the man they call "Leatherface" a job as the new mall tailor. Uncle Monty was killed in the blast...but who cares, we was old, and only had like...three lines. Luda Mae Hewitt or "Mamma." lives with Thomas and Hoyt in the mall in an old shoe store, they've given up their cannibal ways and have never been happier, Luda Mae however found the store to big to clean herself, so Troy and Chad found her the perfect assistant. 

"Man, this is broke ass." Someone said, mopping a floor.

"Just keep going dear, you'll be done in...what was it again?" Luda Mae asked.

The person sighed,"Twenty three springs."

"Well...that's gonna be some while dear, so I'd advise you to keep mopping...uhh, what was it they called you again?"

"K-Fed." He sighed.

Luda Mae chuckled.

Cuts to black.

Shows Hoyt, Chad, and Ryan sitting on an empty stage.

"Well we hoped you enjoyed the It's Always Sunny in New Mexico Thanksgiving special." Chad said.

"But I thought this was the H..." Ryan began.

"Don't question the author asshole." Hoty said.

"So have a safe, and joyous Christmas." Chad said.

"Bt you just said..." Ryan began.

"THOMAS!" Hoyt shouted.

Ryan jumped up and took off running.

"So happy Easter and have a great Valentines day." Hoyt said.

"Happy new year." Chad waved as the camera faded out.

End


End file.
